It’s ok to not being with your parents for the holidays if you can’t emotionally. Not everybody CAN yet, or even maybe never in this lifetime. It is perfectly normal parental absence is a healing process for us now. That it even covers more than only one lifetime. That you are not yet ready to see the complete picture of your father and mother(or one of them) – the good, the bad and the ugly. Finding yourself in a healing process or you might starting up one.
Forgiving can play aswel at a distance while you are freeing yourself of every bit of freedom that has been taken from you. In that case, as with me, you probably don’t have the luxury of letting your parent(s) know about your grieve or pain as they are not able to deal with you being broken. Any answer would bring you more upset! They would of done it otherwise with you at the first place if they would be able to do it now. They(or one of your parents) are still processing their own pain coming from their own absent parent(s) in one way or another. And you must protect yourself here, you are no longer in position to take on a role as a parent yourself to them, trying to ease their pain. Decide to stop doing that!
What important is here is that you try to feel what it is to feel more and more free on a deeper level by stopping to find approval in one way or another. This process might feel it’s unfair cause so much hard work goes in to it…well see it that way…
“There must of bin a reason for the impact you went through! A void inside of you to fill up with a much higher way of thinking, seeing things just as you do see clear on the world’s lack, indeed much closer than everybody else. Even to the point you feel lonely by it. Do you feel where I am pointing at?”
So your task…I must say your ‘divine life purpose’ here is to embrace what’s behind all of this. To do some research on the fact why you were confronted with hurt instead of being just simply being happy. Instead you might have experiencing sexual abuse or any other heavy load to carry. Or you are at the point there is a chance you can’t figured out excactly what’s wrong with you.
From my own experience I like to share that throughout searching for the love of my parents I got to realize I was searching in an empty space, untilI I started to embrace the fact it’s not going to change. It’s empty!
So what is there to find if I keep forgetting my own emptyness? EVERYTHING.
I realized at the time I was so empty! Depression it was called. So what will fill me up by my own undertaking? I started to question myself. And here an even longer process started to grow inside of me. A state of being not knowing how to built on a soul(mine) that wasn’t shown how to receive love in the first place. My parents were absent; narcistic father and sexually abused mother(I figured out much later). I could only give love cause that is what I desperately did to gain the love of my parents.
I did start to realize, after a long and tough time of survival, there must be something behind the fact of ‘just being empty’! Realizing and thinking, maybe feeling the moments of me ‘just being’. What did happen there that was alive?
Well I discovered that actually every value was genuine; fantasy, intuition, anger, …. So I accepted that as my truth(although in the beginning I didn’t believe I could start to respect it, was the only me who was there). And eventually I started to share it with the world, like I do now. At first with pain scared of receiving negative reactions, but after a while I just couldn’t care for the outside enfluence. I realised that there has never been someone, but me. That f.e. the illusion of disparately meeting that one love to love you unconditionally is a myth if you do not consider yourself as a part of it. That’s nice if it happens, but as a soul you are there with yourself, no matter how hard you try to push that away.
I guess everyone has his or her karmic impact to overcome, to see what’s left once you deeply accept your soul, daring to go there and uncover it’s layers.
Whether you even must transgend or you must change the way you have become to become who you really are on a soul level…
I guess parental absence had it’s reason to be in a very profound way!! And we can never go as deep in judging another being as he or she can do for him/herself. Let’s hope no one is judging theirselves!! That is the greatest magic trick to survive a life born out of pain. To finally revive and re-invent yourself to the being that is ever changing. Knowing that the saying; ‘I am who I am’, is not a valid answer.