Chapter 1:1

Photo by https://bzzktt.com/ via Unsplash

2010

I was ready to face the down side of a good heart. Mine.

Although I had to be told I had a good heart, cause soon after my birth it was hurt and felt cut off of life. Actually it was hurt in many lifetimes before I arrived in this one. A life I could only observe as nothing in it was resonating with who I am. Not that I knew who I was, no that wasn’t going to be for another 9 years. Once again counterforce had to knock on my door for me to see my way out.

When I was born on 24/12/1973 my mother wasn’t happy cause I felt it before incarnating in to her body. I don’t even feel I was made by my father, it rather feels like there was no father at all. I felt but a man who was going to make my life very difficult. The counter part of life, the narcissist destroying me so I could understand earthly life was more than manifesting matter.

When I got home from the hospital as a new born baby I was crying all the time. My parents didn’t know how to deal with that so here one part of my abusive life started. But most of all it was when grandpa took me for a ride. The many times he touched me unwanted until he could get my compassion. The one thing he didn’t get apparantly growing up himself revived when he battled in a war against the heart. Two world wars. So again at night I cryed, but my parents didn’t show up no more until I reached my dreamstate. Dreams that were so far away that I hardly woke up in the morning to catch my day. Futher and further they took me along, until my soul stay lifted from my body during daytime. All was good when I was playing outside, but coming home to go to bed was traumatic. I knew I was going to be afraid of the sensations I had in my body as my soul had a hard time to come back in the morning. Not wanting to come back to the life of ordinary circunstance I didn’t want but could’t tell no one.

The only true essence in my life were the animals and plants, they were always honest and teached me to be honest too. And since they always did, I was honest myself, very sincere. As a child you are, but I remember I hat a deeper sense of telling the truth, until my father had enough of me. I was wise beyond my years and the moments he got frustrated with me were the moments I made him touch down. These moments were so unfair and made me cry even more at night. I slowly started to feel I was not recovering anymore after his behavior towards me. He started to emotionally abuse me. I had moments I stopped breathing. I even had moments I couldn’t stop shaking. My hands were seating constantly and I got very scared of my father.

So in 2010 my chance to recover fully knocked at my door for 9 years. A man just like my father started to stalk me and was dedicated not to give up until I decided to take back my power. Recovering the good heart… I needed so to become a lightworker. It were the horses who started to make my childhood dream come through. So 2010 was the year of recalling the honesty of the animals who once reached me in my nightly dreams when my childhood was rough. I astral travelled to them and with them. So far away that I had a hard time to wake up and start my day of suppression.

Many things happened before I believed it was bad what happened to me, I always understood their pain. Even I understood why my grandfather had to touch my sexually and why my father needed the humiliation towards me to see he was someone too. He was not shown it by his parents and felt treated unfair by his family, so I could understand all oknowing I was very very hurt.

Paris

The day I collapsed was not before I was 23 years old, although I was depressive since a very young age. I was 7 years old when I first took medicines against anxiety. But at 23 years old I was not coming out my confusion and pain no more. I needed help to get my body stay on the earth, but I didn’t want to. At a certain point I was loosing my energy and instead I got energized at the same time, my soul disappeared in to a incoherent conversation when I was in Cameroun many years later. It was called bipolarity already at the age of 18 I guess . But no one could understand where it came from cause I had to become me to be able to heal.

It was a lonely life with a happy ending🤠

It’s when we unconsciously crave for darkness our soul starts to create souls as only Madonna can✌️.

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